Sunday, December 7, 1997

1997 Western Hemisphere

race report: Western Hemisphere Inline Marathon

Johnny does marathon

Do you want to brag that you can do marathon in under 3 hours but are too lazy to train? If so, rollerblade is the sport for you. There are numerous other reasons to rollerblade. I personally started because study shows that bimbos prefers 5'9" good looking geeks over 5'6" good looking geeks, 3 to 1.
I participated in Western Hemisphere In-Line Skate Marathon in December 1996. This is my second in-line skate marathon. I learned an important lesson in the 1995 marathon: sometimes it's necessary to refuse free drinks. There were many Gatorade stands along the course, and I found that getting drinks from people is spirit-lifting fun. The goal was to snatch the little paper cup from the volunteer's hand w/o spilling or slowing down. 15 miles into the race I was able to grab 2 cups per stand; I was rather pleased w/ myself. Toward the end I found out there's nothing like skating uphill while really having to go. The other problem I encountered was lack of training. I hadn't taken any 3+ miles skate trip since the end of day-light-saving time. I found out about the marathon 11 hours before the event.
I was wiser and more prepared in 1996. I even practiced 1 hour everyday the whole week before the event, except the 3 days that rained.
I got through the toughest part of the marathon w/ relative ease, you know, getting up in the morning. The race started 20 minutes before the published time in the Culver City newsletter, so I started the race 15 minutes late. It took me forever to catch the slowest of people who had enough sense to arrive more than 5 minutes before the race. The police directing the traffic seemed to have no respect for people who didn't start on time. I was directed off the course. Twice.
The skaters' speed was a function of their equipment. The leading pack consisted of men in tights, followed by shorts-wearing people whose skates made funny noises. Behind them were the wimps who wore more protective gears than jousting knights. The last group consisted of cheerful people who were busy swapping recipes and debating political issues such as boxer shorts vs. briefs. During the first hour I passed social people and armored people. I was also passed by several skaters who apparently had problem waking up. The social people seemed to have the most fun.
After 10 miles, I was mostly skating along, except for passing people who couldn't get up in the morning and didn't know how to pace themselves. The men in tights were so much faster than us mortals it was pointless trying to catch them. Part of the course was on Vista del Mar. The morning ocean was beautiful.
The skaters and runners' courses merged at our turn-around point. That's where I found out how fast I really was--I had problem keeping up w/ some runners. Somehow this led to my skating faster than my muscles were designed for. Pretty soon my legs went numb. I think I broke some kinda slow record during the last 5 miles. But I started to kick my boots hard and swing hands high when I saw the finish line. I tried to act like I knew what I was doing <= the TV camera. I'm so shallow.
In case you're curious, I finished the 26.n miles in approx. 2.5 hours. This means if you randomly pick a skinny Kenyan man and paint wheels on his feet, he could beat my time--unless he drinks too much free Gatorade.