Tandem jump. Sept 3, 2010

The seed was planted in summer 1991 in Syracuse.

We were bunch undergrads on a National Science Foundation grand. We tossed around spending ideas now we had a steady income for the first time. Physics and CS majors in their early 20’s had difficulties thinking beyond the stereotypicals: electronics, gambling, pornography, and violence. An English major smoking pot was listening to us geeks. “Why don’t you jump out of an airplane or something?”

I had a conflict and couldn’t participate but remembered my summer friends’ exuberance after the experience. Aerodynamics of parachute is a miracle regardless of your physics Achievement score.

Decades later, Gordon S forwarded me a Groupon. All I had to do were paying $140 and showing up.

The actual act is disproportionally shorter than foreplay.
? 1-hour drive during non traffic hours to Skydive Dallas.
? Read and sign 3 sets of paperwork declaring I really really really won’t sue if I die.
? 5 mins of video of a guy reading a Cliff Note version of those 3 sets of paper.
? 15 min of instructional video explaining how to correctly acting like a deadweight.
? Practice 2 moves: arch back, lift legs.
? Watch other people jump out of plane. Make small talks.
? Wait a long time.
? Watch more people jump out of plane. Make small talks.
? Put on suit.
? Put on harness overly tight.
? Unsuccessfully request a less hairy instructor with lower penis count.
? Walk funny to avoid rope burn.
? Wait a long time.
? Get on plane with bunch crazies who can’t wait to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
? Plane takes off. Wait a long time before reaching altitude while Dave hairy guy makes the harness tighter.

The overhead dominated process reminded me of golf except packing the golf bag correctly was slightly less critical. Even though the pilot and I were the only ones not directly carrying a parachute, everyone used his seatbelt.

Dave obsessively checked our harnesses as if preventing a prisoner’s escape. He repeated the same instructions making sure I was conscious. Oprah would’ve praised his willingness to communicate in a relationship. I inquired about # of his clients defecated in their pants. To my relief and disappointment, it turned out such act took more muscle contractions than a petrified human was capable of utilize. “Quite a few threw up after landing…. Except one girl passed out in the air, and I had to bring her to the ground like a log.”

Divers knew exactly what to do. The door opened when reached the altitude. They maneuvered toward outside, hanged on to the plane like ninjas, then let go. Their faces seemed to light up. Looked like fun.

I wasn’t allowed the cool dangling in the air move.

Dave made me move cowardly with arms folded covering my non-exposing nipples. There was no jumping out of the plane. I was shoved out by my 180-lb hairy backpack. I noticed I was going the wrong way the moment the fall started. Somehow Dave determined I could use more excitement than the model student in the instructional video. It wasn’t difficult to locate the ground but was hard to find Gordon. Gordon’s camera found me. We linked hands. I tried to say something sophomoric into the camera; syllables got blown away by the wind. We did a few spins. I was a bit disoriented. The view was wonderful. I had no urge for new-underwear-requiring activities.



I felt sudden rope burns developing. No need to look up. The chute opened—not nearly as exciting as free fall. There was nothing to do but relax and enjoy. Communication by air vibration was viable at this speed. Dave pointed out Red River and Oklahoma using his hairy right index finger.

After the soft landing, Dave praised my ability to lift legs. He was also pleased that I didn’t’ leak. I hadn’t had bars set so low for over 3 decades.

Every blade of grass smiled and welcomed me back on this sunny windy day. It was a fun ride.

Hotter n Hell 100. 8/28/2010

a bit small for a 10000-rider start


_Shopping
The consumer expo seemed bigger. Some venders overflowed outside of MPEC. Many good deals didn’t show up ‘til Saturday morning.

Chatted with Fulk from Dynamic Bike Fit. He failed to convinced me his studio would be the best direction for my $.

I scored
$9 sun glasses to replace some cracked ones
Maxx amber sunglasses to replace the one given to Duane at Goatneck
Team USA jersey I didn’t need but wasn’t able to resist $10 tag and the free cap
Gloves I used for Saturday ride.
For motorcycle:
Fancy LG compression long sleeve + tights at 70% off
Perl Izumi sun sleeves

_Carbo load
Ate spaghetti with strangers on the ice rink. A 102-mile newbie sought advice. The veterinarian advised her to focus on hydration; he shared his sensible rest stop strategy. She turned to me as I was nodding, “is that what you’re doing, too?” “I ain’t stopping.” She looked horrified and wasn’t convinced by my explanation “it won’t be that hot.” The vet asked a few quantitative questions; I shared my water loss rate, heart rate, bottle number, and other info from the 2009 ride. In response, he talked about a coworker who was Michael Jordon of the semen extraction world. “He would fly all over the world and do all kinda exotic animals.” The attractive newbie stopped eating her pasta as the professional explained the details of preserving endangered animals.

I hope she got enough carb for the Saturday ride.

_Course
It’s the same 102-mile course I tend to bonk around mile 80. Some road surfaces were rough; slight climbs were involved. The original plan was to domestique for Tom Baker, who couldn’t make it because of family and work obligations. I decided to make it an annual fitness test. Even pace; stop less; have fun. I carried 5 water bottles--enough to last 5 hours in this weather. I used the heavier clinchers instead of aero tubulars. I also added the heavy profile seat bottle holder.

_Accommodation
I stayed at Ann’s for the 2nd year. Her house was close enough to the official start I didn’t have to worry about Saturday parking. Ann treated us like guests and gave us morning food. I looked forward to the fresh-ground coffee the whole week.

It was great chatting with her after a post-ride shower instead of worrying about late check out.

_Unofficial start
I started my computer by pedaling and forgot to reset at the start line.

I got to the start 30 min early. My nose started to run standing in the wind. Some riders took off. I went with them. 17 mph was a good warm up speed. I eventually settled amongst Team Bulge.

The road was blocked 10 miles into the ride for the 100k racers where mosquitoes waited for us. Cat 1, cat 2, cat 3, cat 4. The racers seemed pretty relaxed. The last pack was the “official paced group” where each rider paid a fee for pacing and liquid from 2 support motorcycles.

_Mechanical
Somehow my chain came off during mosquito feeding. By the time I started rolling, I was trapped in a slow moving pack that jammed every little climb. “Johnny Chen!” Rick Breckenridge shouted from the lead pack slicing through the slow goers. I hopped on his group for a few minutes, enough to bridge me back to the Bulges. I resisted the temptation to stay with Rick.

_Tail wind
Mile 22. We caught the official pace group. I evaluated options:
1. stay in a pack of 50+ strangers going at erratic speed that’d lead to certain bonking
2. sit in a steady group parasitically to finish under 5 hours while inhaling motorcycle fume
I picked the fun option. I ran out of gears during couple decent. Everyone had a big smile on their faces going 30+ mph.

Next 70 miles went as planned: I stayed on the bike except a 90-sec pit stop. Reality set in as wind changes direction. I felt weak around mile 80 and struggled to stay in draft. The legs gave out at mile 92. I limped to mile-98 beer stop. It was good to see Rick in the shack; he also went too fast.
“It never gets easier, you just go faster.” --Greg LeMond

A beer and sausage later, I was able to enjoy the short ride back to town.

Distance: 103.4 miles
Avg speed: 19.1 mph

3rd bike

_Cool car
Decided to utilize my real estate after failing to sell the house in 2009. I planned to increase the vehicle : garage space ratio. I shopped for 2005/2006 Lotus Elise and other cool wheels and was turned off by their potential maintenance cost.

_Tree hugging
I became noncommittally environmentally conscious after reading _Farewell, My Subaru_. I considered going green and looked into hybrids and electric cars. For environment benefits, it felt hypocritical to acquire a 2nd car given my existing 4-cylinder TSX gets 32-mpg highway.

_Electric bike
Researching electric car led to electric bicycles. Assuming 500 combined watts, I could theoretically pedal to work at Lance Armstrong speed.

Finding a suitable electric bike was a frustrating experience. The law required preprogrammed shutoff--I was actually slower on electric bike than on my road bike. Defeating the firmware was not guaranteed and probably voids the warranty; cyclists reported unexpected rolling resistance beyond 26 mph. I didn’t like the idea of doubling current bike weight. The price tag was similar to a small motorcycle.

_Electric motorcycle
I ditched the idea as soon as I saw the cost of replacement Li-ion batteries.

_Kawasaki
I’d wanted a Ninja since high school. Timing seemed right. I had covered parking at home and at work. I’d fantasized about convertible since my California days. I wanted to get one before losing all my hair.

_Bridging the gap
The hassle of becoming street legal wasn’t horrible.
Completed a motorcycle course during 7/17/2010 weekend. It was typical Texas summer weather in a typical Dallas parking lot. Wished I thought of this during spring. I wrote it off as Badwater training.

Took the written test in DMV a few days later.

_Shopping
Checked out used bikes in local shops and on ebay. The first plan was to get a small, cheap, and droppable used bike for a few months to learn exactly what I want. Dave Guadiz, who went through midlife crisis decades ahead of schedule, warned me against small engines. Tim Denning convinced me 500+ cc’s were safer on highway. I learned a few months of ownership were likely to cost $1000.

Found a black Ninja ZX-6R at Town East Ford dealer through ebay. Advertised to have < 500 miles and look brand new. I went to the dealer and saw it was obviously dropped. How dumb did car sales people think bikers were?

I learned about a rebate for 2009 Ninja 650R. After 10 min of haggling with the 3rd Kawasaki dealer I contacted, I paid bike and helmet’s MSRP. The dealer absorbed taxes, fees, and 3 yrs of maintenance. This is the first time I walked out of a motor vehicle dealer without feeling taken. The upside of a down economy. The 2009 motorcycle was cheaper than my 2005 Quintana Roo Lucero.

I was a little insulted with the motorcycle insurance rate. Statically I belong to the demographics of predictably boring.

_Ownership
The lime green toy works as advertised. 47 mpg. Easy to park. 0 to 60 mph in no time. Tons of fun. I even enjoyed the apparel shopping.

Maybe I’ll take it to do something cool—like jumping out of an airplane.